he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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