Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
