Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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