You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
