I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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