She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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