You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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