Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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