he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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