Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
