she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
