Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
