You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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