I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
