he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
