So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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