We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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