I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize