3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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