these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
