it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
