You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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