My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
