Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
