allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize