True but thats because hes a fetus.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
