I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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