tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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