3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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