is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
