Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
