Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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