"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We are all done wearing pants today
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
