Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
