So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
