why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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