i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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