You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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