Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
