So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
