If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
