I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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