Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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