At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
