She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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