So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
