im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
