Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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