one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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