farters have to be the big spoon...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
