btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
