the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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