i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize