I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
