Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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