I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
