we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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