I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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