What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
