chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize