im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
