Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
