i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
