I just cut my nipple shaving
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
