I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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