New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
