I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize