can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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