i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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