His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
