My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize