I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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