Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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