what day is it and did you see me today?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
