I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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