you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
