On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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