you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
