At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
