he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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