Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
