dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
