Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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