The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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