I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
