he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
