apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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