Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
