There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i think i have two assholes
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
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