where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
