i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
