just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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