Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
