I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
