Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
