i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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