O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize