all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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