you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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